No Mitzvah No Moshiach

There was an old who lived in a shoe. Well actually in Crown Heights, there is an old lady who lives in a draidel. Now unlike the the wench in the shoe, this women does not have any kids, and I'm pretty sure she knows what to do. Draidel lady is quite possibly one of my most favorite Crown Heights crazies. She is a card carrying member of the tedekkah guild. The Guild is a group of older men and women who beg on the streets of Crown Heights and also in the epicenter, 770 Eastern Parkway. Now many of these men and women walk up and down the streets or around 770 asking for charity. Giving charity in Jewish culture is a huge mitzvah and it is often said that what one gives they will receive back double. I have yet to see this prophesy come true. However it often compels me to give one of these random men or women a few pennies. Thats right just a few pennies here or there. NEVER ANY MORE!!!! Most of the time these people take whatever I give them and they give me some random bracha for money or marriage. As if their brachas are really going to get me rich or married, but needlesys to say it makes them feel good to do something for few linty pennies I hand them while running to the train.

Now lets get back to Draidel lady. I once tried to give her a few pennies, thinking that like all of the other she would give me a bracha and that would be that. BUT NOOOO!!! She looked at my meager offering and asked for more. WHAT THE FUCK YOU DON'T WORK YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY WITH WHAT I GIVE YOU! Well she wasn't. So I took my linty pennies and began to walk away. As I walked she started yelling at me NO MITZVAH NO MOSHIACH! As if I would be the only Jew not to see Moshiach because I didn't hand her a five spot.

In conclusion here is my theory about the beloved Crown Heights Draidel Lady...she probably has tons of money because NO ONE AND I MEAN NO ONE who is so desperate as to ask for money on the street would turn away a linty penny. Also, I've checked with Rabbinic sources and according to them, even with out doing a mitzvah the Jew card still allows me to see Moshiach.