In the Land of Oz

I often refer to the Crown Heights bubble as bizzaro world. Everything is backwards in my mind. Now I will admit that I lived this bubble life for many years. And because of this it is very easy for me to criticize. I spend a lot of my time now observing the bubble and trying to see if the stereotypes I make up in my head truly exist. In many cases they do, however come in some rare cases they don't. For example I spend a lot of time talking about the Gehzees and in many cases the things I say are true, but their our those rare occurrences when I meet a Gehzee that doesn't fall into the bubble life style. Or so I think.

I have begun to realize that many of my Gehzee friends are very cool people. That is when the are not in the bubble. When we go out they are fun and hip and enjoy many of the same things I do. However once we return to the Shtetl they fall right back into the bubble as if what people think really matters. The point is be who you are, live as you want to live, cause in the long run living for others will only cause you to miss out on the life you want to live.

My Fair Lady

As children we are taught very little about love. In fact most of what I know from love comes from Disney movies. Poor distraught girl meets handsome prince in an unlikely fashion, they fall in love and marry. Unlikely love. The kind of love that is only accepted in the fairy tale world. So what happens when this type of love occurs in the real world. It either ends in love or heartache. In this day in age, especially in the Chabad world more and more unlikely matches are happening. Many of my friends have married men they love rather then men their families picked for them because of the fact that they look good on paper. Many of my friends have married the men who look good on paper suggested by their family. Both of these situations have produced divorce and loving marriages. So it is not so much about the success rate. Charles and Diana were and unlikely match and it ended in heartache. William and Kate are an unlikely match and all sources say it will end in love. No one can predict the outcome of life or love. And no one can predetermine who they love or why they love them it just happens.

Many of my friends are scared and afraid of love. They are products of parents who were put together by a matchmaker and well not because of love. They looked good together on paper or both came from the same background. Yes that's right traditionally Gehzee married Gehzee and the rest were left to fend for themselves. Now for the first time in the history of the blog I am not going to criticize the need to marry in ones kind. I think it is a great idea to marry a first cousin and have children with 11 toes. In fact the more toes the better thats what I always say. This is crazy. Who the hell marries their own just to keep the blood all the same. Now I am going to be brutally honest and expose the fact that my great grandparents were indeed related before marriage...but they came from the shtetl. WE NO LONGER LIVE IN THE SHTETL. We no longer live in a place where love doesn't exist. We must teach our children to love. And love doesn't happen on paper and love isn't about who your parents are and love isn't about who died in Siberia and love is most certainly not about who someone else chooses for you.

In this day in age mixed marriages are happening left and right. Now let me make this clear that I am not talking about the same type of mixed marriages we see in the secular world. I am talking about the union between Gehzee and non Gehzee. IT IS HAPPENING!!! The Gehzees want new blood. Well their children want new blood and to have children without 11 toes, but the parents are still struggling. The result of these unions is often a Pygmalion. Where the less elite goes through training to be more elite. In the case of Chabad...the non Gehzee becomes Gehzee. They are trained how to be socially awkward, push bugaboo strollers, and steal babies. Its My Fair Lady, Chabad style.

Duct Tape

Read the following article...respond..http://www.collive.com/show_news.rtx?id=12038&alias=rabbis-fight-hate-blogs

Laundry Meets Vegas Strip in Crown Heights

No Mitzvah No Moshiach

There was an old who lived in a shoe. Well actually in Crown Heights, there is an old lady who lives in a draidel. Now unlike the the wench in the shoe, this women does not have any kids, and I'm pretty sure she knows what to do. Draidel lady is quite possibly one of my most favorite Crown Heights crazies. She is a card carrying member of the tedekkah guild. The Guild is a group of older men and women who beg on the streets of Crown Heights and also in the epicenter, 770 Eastern Parkway. Now many of these men and women walk up and down the streets or around 770 asking for charity. Giving charity in Jewish culture is a huge mitzvah and it is often said that what one gives they will receive back double. I have yet to see this prophesy come true. However it often compels me to give one of these random men or women a few pennies. Thats right just a few pennies here or there. NEVER ANY MORE!!!! Most of the time these people take whatever I give them and they give me some random bracha for money or marriage. As if their brachas are really going to get me rich or married, but needlesys to say it makes them feel good to do something for few linty pennies I hand them while running to the train.

Now lets get back to Draidel lady. I once tried to give her a few pennies, thinking that like all of the other she would give me a bracha and that would be that. BUT NOOOO!!! She looked at my meager offering and asked for more. WHAT THE FUCK YOU DON'T WORK YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY WITH WHAT I GIVE YOU! Well she wasn't. So I took my linty pennies and began to walk away. As I walked she started yelling at me NO MITZVAH NO MOSHIACH! As if I would be the only Jew not to see Moshiach because I didn't hand her a five spot.

In conclusion here is my theory about the beloved Crown Heights Draidel Lady...she probably has tons of money because NO ONE AND I MEAN NO ONE who is so desperate as to ask for money on the street would turn away a linty penny. Also, I've checked with Rabbinic sources and according to them, even with out doing a mitzvah the Jew card still allows me to see Moshiach.

Gehzee

Okay for all of you folks out there reading this who may be Gehzee, I apologize...not for what I am going to say but for the fact that most of it is true.

I recently had the pleasure of spending a few fun ours with some Gehzee people. Now gezhee is a term that refers to people who come form a great line going back generations to some pretty amazing and pious Jews. But for the sake of keeping it simple and in the words of a very amazing friend of mine gehzee means your grandfather sat behind the Rebbe at farbragens and your great grandfather rubbed elbows with the previous Rebbe. Basically you are for lack of a better term "Crown Heights Royalty." You went to Ohel Torah (boy) or Bais Rivkah (girl). You live on Millionaires row aka President between Kingston and New York, and you can do know wrong. For the sake of not singling people out any more than I already have lets just get to the meat of this post. TEN REASONS YOU MIGHT BE GEHZEEE!

1. You go to Basil and pick at the menu.

2. You (male) are short, mildly over weight, and wear trendy glasses and custom made suits.

3. You have ten children but no one has ever seen your pregnant.

4. Its ok to wear short skirts and short sleeves, because I define tznius.

5. You go to Basil.

6. You are far more attractive than your husband.

7. You are married to a close family friend and your shidduch was made at birth.

8. You married up...meaning you married someone who lives just up the block and has a slightly larger portrait of the Rebbe above their dining room table.

9. You wear a long shaitel, designer heels, and push a bugaboo stroller.

10. Pssssh Kingston Avenue, I shop on Albany.

6 Months In!

On the cusp of my 6 month anniversary in Crown Heights, I've decided its time to get back to blogging. Thats right brace yourselves because my brain is pumping and my cynicism is just getting started.