Thursday, November 17, 2011

Every time We Say Goodbye

Two years ago at this exact moment I remember exactly were I was. It was Erev Shabbos Parsha Chayei Sarah. I had just returned home from traffic court in Pittsburgh. It seems that sometime before this evening I had been speeding. Yet at this moment I was speeding again. Rushing to get to the hospital. I wasn't sick. There was nothing wrong with me. On this night just two short years ago I said goodbye to someone I love. I stood with my family and said goodbye for the last time. This night haunts me every year. The thoughts about that night, the memories, the pain I still feel every time I think of it. It is a night that will live in infamy.
This weeks parsha teaches us about the life of our Matriarch, Sara.However, in the parsha, our first matriarch Sara dies. The question is asked why is the parsha called Chayei Sara, the life of Sara and not Neis Sara, the death of Sara. The answer as taught by chasidus is that this parsha is not about her death but about how her life was lived through the generations she mothered. What the hell does this mean. Her life being lived through others. At first I didn't get it. But now, now I understand. A life is not marked by how it was lived, but by the impact it leaves on others. How others learn from what you did and apply to their own life. 

Two years ago tonight, a part of me died...but the part of me that is still here will live everyday remembering and applying the life lessons taught to me by the part that is gone.

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